YOU CAN ROCK OUT TO TAYLOR SWIFT. I mean, c'mon...she is kind of amazing. I know, I know, she's no Celine, but for whatever reason, that broad makes me want to get moving. I was running the other day and some god awful song about being twenty-two came on. The lyrics are quite possibly the stupidest thing I've heard in the last several years (and I have 3 kids under age 5 who enjoy Raffie), but I just got the bug to kick it up a notch and run a little faster. I totally wasn't going downhill at that exact moment. I was a beast and made a (mini) mountain my bitch. If you're at a gym and Tay Tay comes on, you'll probably get the side eye from some patrons while you sing along with her. Or maybe that hot guy you've been looking at (we're allowed to LOOK) is on the treadmill next to you and 1989 shows up on your iPhone at the exact moment he looks down to see your stats (we all do this) and instead of being impressed by your super human abilities to run like a Kenyan, he sees that you love Taylor Swift. He then starts to laugh, which makes him lose his footing, causing him to fall off the treadmill, smack his perfectly chiseled jaw on the belt, and now he's ruined. You and your Taylor Swift fandom ruined the hot gym guy. Avoid doing this by staying at home and letting "Tear Drops on My Guitar" bring you back to college and your pre-baby body.
NO CRAPPY EAR BUD PAIN. This kind of goes with the above mentioned Swift issue, but MY LORD, ear buds are not comfortable. Not even the ones that have those little silicon tips. I saw Beats by Dre have some new ones out, and they looked snazzy, but I'm poor (see above reference of 3 kids under 5), so I use the plastic pieces of caca that came with my phone. Those mofos hurt something fierce. When you work out at home, you can blast the music from whatever form of up to date ghetto blaster you have and get to work.
YOU CAN WEAR YOUR 98 DEGREES T-SHIRT WITH PRIDE. Oh, Nick Lachey. You were quite the beefcake in the early 2000s. Sometimes a grainy picture of a still handsome man back in his prime is what you need to get your exercise mojo flowing. Maybe it isn't 98 Degrees. Maybe you had a thing for BSB or NSYNC. A curly-haired Timberlake next to JC Chasez (what happened to him? Is he ok?) might get you a thumbs up from people on the outside, but you know they're thinking you need to get out more. It's not like the "vintage" Ramones shirt they bought at Target, it's a keepsake from your Dear Diary days and now you can wear it in confidence with pride...alone in your home.
NOBODY WILL NOTICE JUST HOW LONG YOUR REST PERIODS ARE. Thirty seconds to two minutes is a pretty average and acceptable length of time to wait between sets. Ten to fifteen minutes while you let whatever just happened on your Netflix binge of Drop Dead Diva (whaaaat...it's underrated) set in isn't as acceptable. Nobody is waiting for your equipment and tapping their foot while you update your Instagram. You can go at your own flow, get your repetitions and sets in, and do it at your own leisure.
YOU CAN FART. LOUDLY. Gas is a natural thing, there's even a wonderful children's book on the topic, but letting one loose in a crowded gym is not proper etiquette. Sometimes when you're running/squatting/lifting/jumping, a little gas escapes. Sometimes it is discreet and sometimes...well, sometimes you wish you had a pug around to blame it on. When you're at home, you can fart until your little heart is content. Hell, you can even let your butt horn be the back up track for the T. Swift experience.